damnlakers.com (damnlakers) wrote in freakinlakers,
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freakinlakers

Making a list...

Pre-Game 4

Inspired by a reply to an entry, here's the official list of which Lakers and in what I order I hate them:

5 Horace Grant - George and Horace are the two players on the Lakers' bench that the ABC camera's seem to find. He's got 3 rings with Jordan and hasn't played a playoff minute (injured), but he moves off the bench like he's got more invested in this series than most of the (apathetic) Lakers on the court. Now, Horace isn't some 40+ year old bench player contributing some desperate energy, hoping for his first ring (aka: Kevin Willis). He isn't an good story gone sour because of injury (he ran himself out of Orlando after getting in a spat with T-Mac through an ESPN.com article). That, and because, frankly, no one really likes bench cheerleaders anyway, earn him this space here.

4 Phil Jackson - A guy who's coaching abilities consist of "dealing with superstars egos." He's won 6 wins with - the two best big game scorers of the last fifteen years, three of the top man-to-man defenders of the last fifteen years (Pippen, Jordan, and Kobe), and the most dominant big man of the last decade. He's become notorious for "undercoaching;" some probably think that's his speciality - his "skill" - letting his players play. But over the last two years, it has become abundantly clear that Laker games depend on the whims of Kobe and Shaq and the number of three point buckets Fisher, Rush, and Devean can knock down. His team gets beat to positions, beat to the ball, and they can't defend the lane. Phil's also got that goddamn soul patch and those supposed Zen-master skills. Gotta hate him.

3 Devean George - Why freakin' not?

2 Derek Fisher - For putting away the Spurs. For flopping. And for that dumbass grin.

1 Kobe Bryant - I hate him because I fear him. No one matters more to the Lakes than Kobe and his goddamn elevation. He flat out jumps guys on his three-point shots. There are murmurs of him being so aware of his "legacy" that he consciously chooses when (aka: 20 minutes after returning from Colorado) and when not (the day after anyone dare speak ill of his game) to perform. I hate him because he's great and a Laker. Put him in Memphis next year, and I could care less...

Course, Karl Malone. Unfortunately for Karl the irrelevance of his game doesn't justify ranking him in that top 5. The reasons? The hacking, the Jordan-in-reverse hanging on too long (if you recall, Jordan played past his prime in an attempt to make a floundering team a little more mediocre; Malone has chased a ring and the point scoring record as an afterthought on the freakin' Lakers).

Anyway, they should be throwing up the jump in the next 10 minutes...

Screw the Lakers,

- damnlakers
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